Soo, today I've pretty much just hung out with my sister Emma and her fiancé. We went to the supermarket, made some cookies for le wedding, played sims and watched series. I like being with her, it's sad that they move out in a couple of months. They leave for Avesta in a week and I'll be like lonely as fuck. But it's fine, cause then it's the wedding and I'll be the maid and she looks so beautiful in her dress. 

Tomorrow we're going to Jönköping and get her ring, we're gonna stay while they're polishing them up, engraves them and stuff. It's gonna be awesome. Hihi! 

  Onee-san 30th April~

I should probably do something productive, like clean my room (it's needed) or something. But my back hurts. And I'm tired. And sad. So let's just fall asleep instead and wishing I could be in his arms all night long, and then all day, everyday. That's how I'd like to spend my life, day after day, year after year. Because you're the apple to my pie, you're the straw to my berry. You're the smoke to my high, and you're the one I wanna marry~ 

So today I stayed at Felix's place for like six-seven hours. It was nice, though I was really tired and stuff. I miss him, wuaah ;-; But I'll get to see him again soon! We didn't do very much, but idk it never gets boring anyway.

Yesterday, when we got home after the Western thingie I took some pictures of him (lying on my lap) and when I do he always does weird stuff like grimace or look away or imitate a frog or whatever. YOU ARE SILLY, BUT I LIKE YOU! <3 

  Boyfriend-chan (Kinda normal photo for once)

Question of today is, should I start writing in swedish or keep the english? I'd like to know what language you want me to update with ^^ 

I miss school. Yep, I'm a little weird (AND PROUD OF IT!) but I really miss everyone, even those who are kinda mean to me, because they're probably having a hard time theirself and I feel sorry for them. Who am I to judge people? There's no need to be mean to those who choose to be mean to you, forgive them instead. Always try to be friends, even when they deny.
I had a party for my whole class just before summer break started. It was relly nice, like everyone was so happy and yea ^^ I had prepared competitions and food and fruit and all that and everyone seemed to have fun! Happyface! 

  And there's a pic of Felix-kun falling. Heh~

I think I'll take a relaxing cup of tea now before I go to bed. I have kind of a problem with my sleeping so I got a chain blanket from my sleep therapy thinge (witch I don't even go to anymore) but it doesn't help very much anymor cause' it's not that heavy and it's to hot in my room. So I can barely use it, haha! It's fine though, It's summer break after all and it sure will be okay until school starts again. It's just one month left to the wedding now and then we're almost there! I have a meeting the 15th of August and then the next semester starts just after a few days! ^^ 

Goodnight lovelies!~ 

So we went to the Western thingie yesterday. The sun shined like idk really much and we like died of heat. And the, all of sudden, heaven opened and it rained! Like, really really much. And it rained, and rained.. and then - it rained even more! But I had a really nice time and the little shop we stayed in was kinda cozy so yeah. And when we decided to go home it was water like everywhere. But it didn't rain anymore. 

And when we came home my family had just come so happiness ^^ But now I need to get ready because I'm going to Felix so I'll see ya later! 

Well hello there! Today I'm going to High Chaparall with my boyfriend <3 As citizen in this town you go in for free so I got my birth certificate and stuff. And my family get home tonight. Yay! 

Now I'm gonna go and cook some dinner. I don't know what to do, haha! I have a blog tip for everyone to, lovisaholmstrom.blogg.se! She's awesome and everyon should chek her out ^^

I'm so sorry it's been a while! It's happend a lot in my life. Sadly, I had to break up with my ex. Because of a lot of personal reasons, I just couldn't get better in a relationship with her. I've been together with a wonderful boy from my class for like one and a half month now. He's really cute and all that, and i love him so much. He's also the reason I feel better now, the reason I started to trust people and go to school again. I know I'm safe around him and that saves my world even at the darkest times. And I feel like a princess~

   He gave me a freaking rose and chocolate!

As I said before I've started school again. But of course it's summer vacation now. I'm not doing very much, I've like been in Västerås and bought the dress for Emma's wedding. And I went to Nyhem over midsummer, but then there's not much more. This weekend I'm alone home. It's not very nice, It's like all empty and quite. But I'm doing okay, and everyone is coming home tomorrow~ 

So I guess life goes on, even when you don't notice it. It's like it was in another life when I look back. The depression, the selfharm.. all those meetings, hours at school's toilet crying, up all nights worrying about Her, thinking it's my fault.

Today's lesson is it's not. It's not your fault. It never is. I spent months thinking it's my fault she's depressed. She seemed so happy at first, right? All those times she harmed herself.. Do you know how it feel when someone you love wants to die? It feels like it's your fault. That you did something wrong. I spend week after week convincing myself I'm in love with her even after I wasn't anymore, because I knew she couldn't take the fall. I denied that I fell in love with Him time after time. But at last I couldn't. How can it feel like she left me when I was the one breaking up? But she was cheating on me for fucks sake. She wrote me a day later. And her words still hurt, not because I didn't forgive her and not because I regret breaking up, but because she'll never understand why I did what I did, and she'll never know I didn't want to hurt her. "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" 

"..You broke my heart and you'll never ever fix it again. Lovisa. I promised you I'll never leave you. But guess what! I'm so damn tired of getting hurt, especially hurt by you. You destroyed me completely. You freak. Look back at everything WE did together. Think about how it was when you just spat on me, chose to do as you did. And for your information you don't get together with someone 2 days after you just broke up. As I said, get away from my life. I never wanna talk to you again. I loved you Lovisa. But now.. I hate you. So I'll see you." I skipped the first part, she was mostly just insulting me anyway. But. I wanted to share with you anyways. I haven't talked to her since then. I've wanted to, but I'm afraid she'll get mad. I'll write her a letter sometime. Explaning. But I know she's not ready yet. I know her out and in, we talked with eachother everyday for almost eight monts. If she thinks that's nothing she's wrong. 

But as I said, I'm fine now. No need to worry about me. Except that my back hurts. Freaking period. But now I really have to go to sleep. 

Goodnight  

I'm home from school today. Not feeling very well. So I'm eating soup and role playing with my girlfriend <3 

I don't have very much to say, so, see you later~

Here we go again! New blog, this one I'll try to keep up, i hope.. hahah! 

My name is Lovisa, The Catastrophekid. And I'm a 14 years old girl from sweden. But now I'm not gonna talk about me, I'm kinda boring actually c'x 

I was thinking about writing about my day, but it's nothing special, really - so why not go with something with a meaning? 

Today I'm writing about beauty. 

Inner beauty.
And why you should stop say you're ugly, fat and disgusting.

Simply, you're not. You're really gorgeous. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? You see a person with messy hair, fucked up make up and tears. A fat, disgusting person with a broken smile and scars upon her skin. Don't you? 

You know what I see? I see a pretty person with a little trouble in her life. I see her wonderful personality, her fading scars - she've been clean for a week now. I see her kindness and perfection. I can see the happiness in her beautiful eyes when she's talking to that one person that makes her heart go on. The one she's fighting for. 

When you're walking through the corridor, what do you think? You think everyone hates you, right? That the girl that talked to you this morning, tried to make you come with her, she was fake, she hates you, right? Well, she doesn't. She thinks you wonderful, and she wanna be your friend so badly. That your teatchers want you to die so the don't have to pretend they care anymore? Ha! They do care. They hope so bad you'll be okay soon.

You think your mother regrets she gave birth to you. You think your best friend took her life because of you. You think your boyfrind cheats on you with every girl he meets, cause she's prettier than you. Think about it, when did it all start? You were so happy once upon a time. Was it when you're mom took you and left? When your dad tried to take you back? When you started school? When your bestie took her life? When the cops took your brother? When the boys in your class ignored you? When they hit you day after day? When that bitch stole your boyfriend? When your grandma died? When did it actually start? 

I want you to know that you're beautiful. You will always be that. Someone will always care. I care. If you don't have anyone else to talk to I'm always here. Instagram, Kik, anything. I'm here for you. And one day you will fight your demons. Because you're strong. You're beautiful. And you are the queen of your life.

I want you to do something for me, could you? 

I want you to stand in front of your mirror and close your eyes. Mhm? Think quiet to yourself; 'I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'm perfect.' Say it over and over again until it sinks in. Now open your eyes and look at your reflektion. Say out loud; 'I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'm perfect.' Say it again, even louder. Now pull up your sleeves and watch your scars. Say again, 'I'm strong, I'm beautiful, I'm perfect.' Has it sunk in yet? No? Then do it all over again, until you feel beautiful again. Do this everyday.